Detox tips for a busy mind
Phewey. This is a big one! So go make yourself a cuppa, because by the time I try and rearrange everything in my mind that I want to say about this topic and get it all on paper/screen, I’m warning you now, it’s not going to be a short read.
And there’s the fundamental problem. For most of us, our heads are constantly loaded with thoughts of what needs to be done, what could be done, what should have been done and what we ought to be doing about it all.
On the odd occasion I’ll notice my gorgeous hubby sitting quietly, gazing off into the distance and I’ll ask, “what are you thinking about?” When our relationship was new and I first noticed this strange phenomenon I was genuinely curious. Nowadays I ask just to hear him say…“Nothing”.
“Nothing”.
Can you imagine? Just…“Nothing”.
Back in the day, I used to push for an answer, “Oh c’mon, you must be thinking about something, people don’t just sit there not thinking about anything”. But now, I savour his answer. “Nothing”. Oh the freedom! The expanse of space! The sheer nothingness of that word seems as distant to me as a solo trip to Mars.
I can honestly say, it has been a major goal of mine for this past 12 months to achieve that state of blissed-out-nothingness. My mind is always a blur of thoughts. From the moment I wake up I recall my dreams, sometimes with terrifying accuracy, leaving me feeling exhausted before I even start my day. Then it’s a constant battle of thinking about DOING ALL OF THE THINGS.
And so, recognizing that perhaps it would be nice to have a little more ‘peace’, I decided to do something about it.
Hence, this rambling that you’re about to read is the sharing of some of the tricks I’ve tried to help still a busy mind. Some with less success than others, but I reckon this is an undertaking that is entirely personal. I am lucky that I have never suffered from any clinical mental health issues and appreciate that some of these suggestions could be detrimental to someone else who hasn’t been as fortunate. So please, if you’re reading this from a place where your thoughts have been in a negative space for any length of time, then please seek some professional help.
Let’s start with the first thing I do when I start to feel overwhelmed.
Breathe.
Ideally, I try to find a quiet space and close my eyes just for a moment and I intentionally breathe. I’ve learned various techniques over the last few years. I’ll share one here, but there are so many tutorials online if this doesn’t suit you. Take a long, noisy inhale through pursed lips and when your lungs feel full (or to the count of 4), hold that breath for a count of 4 and gently let the air expel. If you can’t find a quiet place in which to practice this noisy version, just take a second to recognize that you might need to slow and deepen your breath. In doing this you help your body automatically relax and switch out of that state of “fight or flight”.
Our bodies are designed to operate in a relaxed, parasympathetic nervous system. It allows us to conserve energy, slow our heart rate and allow proper digestion of our food. So, ‘considered’ breathing will help get us back there, but let’s look at some of the preemptive things we can do to help ease the feeling of stress before it happens.
As a quick add-on, being aware of your body’s posture will help with this tremendously too. Straightening your spine and holding your head up with shoulders back and down, therefore opening out your chest will not only helps with breathing, it will also improve brain function, thus resulting in an improvement in your mood.
Make lists or start a journal.
I’m a big list maker. Ask my husband! If I don’t have my ‘to-dos’ written down, I just can’t relax. I hate not ‘having a plan’. Even if I can’t get it all done in the timeline I’ll have set for myself, at least I have a clear idea of what needs to happen. So, for me list making is not just about keeping myself accountable and getting stuff done, it’s also about stalling for time. If I know I can’t get to the task today, I’ll push it back to another day and worry about it then, rather than have it nagging away at me!
Some people will start by setting an intention, which I think is simply a ‘bigger picture’ variation on a list. You can start by looking at what you want to achieve in the short and/ or longer term and write that down and pop it on the fridge if you like to remind you that that’s the direction you’re headed in. Then every step that takes you closer to your goal feels like a pat on the back.
The only caveat to this is, we must all by now, in this time of Covid19, realize that even the best-laid plans can come unstuck. So setting intentions and making lists are all well and good, but life will always throw us curveballs and we need to try and learn to roll with them. The terrifying and yet conversely, strangely reassuring reality is that very little of our lives are actually completely in our control. And it’s good to remind ourselves of this every now and then. I am slowly learning to stop and remember to accept the here and now as opposed to always rigidly planning for an uncertain future.
Get better at saying “No”.
While you’re making your to-do lists and setting intentions, make sure you’re doing what really serves you. Many of us get caught up in a whirlwind of being busy, or helping others, so it’s good to take stock and decide if we really need to take everything on. It might feel tricky at first, but I promise you, it’s very liberating!
Make time for you.
This is a hard one. Particularly if you’re a Mum like me. Though I think we all struggle with this, kids or not. Somehow through the years (I blame the Age of Enlightenment and the Industrial Revolution…by the way), leisure and creative pursuits became commodified. Although most ancient cultures celebrate the self with due ritual, the capitalist movement turned us all into workers who feel guilty for having any free time. Up until war time, at least mothers were afforded a certain liberty, albeit usually with the full responsibility for managing households and raising kids. And then in the 1970s when mothers returned in droves to the workforce, the balance of work versus free time became even harder to manage.
So what can we do about it? Because, let’s face it, it’s easier said than done. For me, time out means reading, writing and deepening my knowledge about new and ancient healing modalities and in turn, learning more about the self, or my-self. I’m feeling self-conscious just writing this, but the truth is I have been ignoring the yearning to reconnect with my innate spirituality for so many years and am finally making the space to do this. From having a mind-blowingly, accurate and illuminating astrology reading with Tory at Active Stillness to completing a short course online about ‘Predictions — Omens, Oracles & Prophesies’, I’ve been indulging my thirst to know more about these perceived mysteries. I’ve recently been reading Denise Lynn’s; “Secrets & Mysteries: The Glory & Pleasure of Being a Woman” and “Women who run with the wolves” by Clarissa Pinkola Estes. Both a beautiful celebration of the divine feminine. I’m studying kinesiology, with the guidance of the wise and nurturing Rachel Gallon and have started studying Ayurvedic medicine via an online course. For me, having, or making the time for these pursuits is so much more rewarding than putting on a facemask and taking a bath, though, there ain’t nothing wrong with that either!
Meditation.
And I can’t go any further without mentioning meditation. Last year, I took a three day meditation course with the beautiful Lisa Carlyle @ The Quiet Space. Prior to this course, I had really struggled with meditation. I would thoroughly enjoy the experience when on a retreat for example, but at home I’d try guided meditations on my phone and end up getting restless and checking the time to see how much longer I had to endure it! After this course, I actually find myself sitting with ease for 15–20 minutes and definitely feel more refreshed and calmer when I practice regularly. Although I’ve been pretty slack since the kids have been home, I’m confident that I can pick it up again when there’s a little more time for quiet in this house! So, if you struggle with meditation, try investigating the One Giant Mind technique based on Vedic meditation principles.
Spend time in nature.
I don’t need to explain this one do I? It’s just good for you on a cellular level. Do it.
Spill the beans.
As much as it’s great to try and remember thoughts are just thoughts and we ought to try not to let our emotions get all scrambled up in them…. the reality is life can be tricky. And people can be tricky. And there will always be situations and people who will push your buttons. So rather than mulling it over for hours and days and weeks and years, I reckon it’s sometimes better just to vent. I’m a big venter! If I’m upset about something, I just have to say it, otherwise it’ll just fester and eat away at me and turn me into a (more) cranky miserable person! I almost always feel so much better after I’ve had a good vent, and am thankful to have good people who are happy to hear me out and allow me to move on! If you would rather not burden your friends, then it’s worth finding a good counsellor to speak to.
But, I know that’s not everyone’s style, so perhaps consider writing your frustrations/ feelings down in a journal. You won’t always find a resolution, but at least you can just let it all out! Then hopefully you can look back on the situation with a little less emotion and some more clarity at a later stage if you feel the need to.
Be kind to yourself.
The reality is, I will absolutely be upset at something that someone does or says that doesn’t meet my moral code, but I’m tougher on myself than anyone else. So it’s often much harder for me to forgive myself for something thoughtless that I’ve said or done. So, I’ve learned a little trick to help me out with this one. Firstly, I ask myself, if a friend or one of my children behaved in the same way that I did, would I judge them as harshly? You’d be surprised how many times it’s taken this question to see things from a perspective of love and compassion I don’t often afford myself.
Let that shit go.
Sometimes we hold onto ‘notions’ that keep us from being happy. Whether that’s managing expectations we’ve inherited from society, our families or some innate doubt we carry about ourselves. At some point we have to face up to it, acknowledge and let it go.
Train your brain.
There is so much research now that shows how we can alter our thinking state and mindset. Some people will utilize affirmations. This is as simple as writing down a statement or two that you can repeat at regular intervals, e.g.; “Today I’m choosing happiness”. I’ve always felt a bit weird trying these, and last year I heard Peter Crone on a podcast say that his issue with affirmations (and I’m paraphrasing now because I can’t find the exact source) is that they suggest there’s a problem that needs to be fixed. Whereas, his belief is that everything that happens is meant to happen and everything is as it should be. These words have stuck with me for a long time now and I find that thought more reassuring than any other.
If you’re not quite convinced, than it might be you need to take physical action when you notice a reoccurring negative thought. Literally move your body and seek to concentrate your focus elsewhere. Or use the ‘5 things’ mindful technique to ground your thoughts;
– Notice 5 things you can see around you.
– Notice 4 things you can touch
– Notice 3 things you can hear
– Notice 2 things you can smell
– Notice 1 thing you can taste
Hang out with good people.
There’s that thing isn’t there where they say we’re the ‘average of the 5 people we send most of our time with’. Parents of toddlers, I apologize, this is your warning to look away now. OK, I just Googled it and it was Jim Rohn who came up with this one. His statement suggests that if we spend our days with happy, positive people, we’ll in return feel more happy and positive in ourselves. It makes sense no?
So, if there’s someone that you know who drains your energy and makes you feel like crap, then for your own sake, it’s best to create a distance there. (If you’re thinking about your kids here, then disregard that advice, it’s your job to try and turn that around…sorry!). Distancing yourself from the energy vampires will free up more time for you to spend with people who make you feel good.
Try your best but remember we’re only human.
As I mentioned before, the misgivings that bug me the most are when I feel responsible for speaking or acting in a way that I regret. And I also feel remorse for those times when I ought to have said something and didn’t. So, apart from trying to let it go, thanks to Rachel Gallon, I’m finding these ‘5 Agreements’ by Don Miguel Ruiz a good life guide:
– Be impeccable with your word
– Don’t take anything personally
– Don’t make assumptions
– Always do your best
– Be sceptical, but learn to listen
Caveat. I am not qualified to reccomend treatment protocols for mental health, I am simply sharing the outcome of my search to find some stillness in my thoughts. You may wonder what this has to do with my profession? As an Endermologie therapist, I recognise that many of my Clients come to me looking for ways to lose weight, tone their skin, get rid of cellulite and look younger. I can treat the skin, but unless we tackle the clutter everywhere else, i.e. in our bodies and our lives, we may never get to the source of true contentment. Hence the inspiration behind this detox series.
